for good..........

it's not often in our lives that we meet people who change us drastically and irrevocably. happy birthday to one of the few people in my life who completely changed me.

(why is it that my life seems to be so tied up with scorpios, anyway??)

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may beThat we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

(thanks to stephen schwartz and WICKED for the lyrics!)

good things come to those who wait

because it's "that time of year".....fall allergies and the heat is on.....i have a raging headache and just don't have what it takes to write a proper blog and to say all that i could and *should* say about my trip to chattanooga over the weekend to see the edgar winter band. then again....maybe not much really needs to be said. all you really need to know is that i've been a fan since i was a young teen, and have had a working relationship with edgar for 2-3 years, so the fact that i finally got to meet him face to face was just beyond wonderful. he's as gracious and kind in person as i expected, and i got the extra treat of the fact that all his band members and crew are just as gracious and kind as he! we had some snafus in our weekend trip, but everything worked for the best and i'm so thankful that i had the opportunity to make the trip and meet everyone! i feel very blessed.......no! i AM very blessed! :)

it's official...........

i have become invisible.

lessons learned.....

we live to learn and learn to live, i guess.

my own problem is that i learn my lessons and forget them all too quickly.

i've learned that i should keep most of what i feel to myself. things that matter to *me* don't necessarily matter to anyone else nor should they, and i should remember that, and not try to project my angst or anger on others.

i've learned that i hate, hate, HATE dealing with any fans, any time, any where. i should never, ever do this.

i've learned that life is too short to stress over things that you have no control over and that we should all relax more and not worry about silly things.

i've learned that i shouldn't really try to express what i am REALLY feeling in a blog, because it never seems to work out.

i've learned all these things.....sometimes i've learned them over and over again. but do i REMEMBER what i've learned?

um. that would be no.

i guess the main thing that i've learned is that i never learn.

what *was* going on????

in berry gordy's head. i always rather figured that the head of motown records was a bit of a visionary genius, but i just read this:

"'What's Going On' just sat on the shelves. Berry Gordy didn't like it; he thought Marvin should just stay with the beautiful ballads. Then someone that worked at Motown heard it and told Berry, 'This is a smash, man,' and so ultimately Berry released it, and it went through the roof." --Otis Williams of the Temptations


what the????? how could ANYONE hear that song and not realize that it has to be one of the best songs ever written???? that little tidbit from mr williams just amazed me!!

Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on......

my first love....

just finished reading pamela des barre's "let's spend the night together" which is basically a bunch of groupies glorifying and justifying the lifestyle...lol!! found this lovely poem in the chapter dedicated to gayle o'connor, tho, and i just HAD to post it as it fits me to a tee!!! not sure if ms o'connor wrote the poem herself or not, but she said she had it on her mirror when she was growing up:

music is my first love

it will be my last

music of the future

music of the past

to live without my music

would be impossible to do

in this world of troubles

my music pulls me through.

play on, stevie ray.......

hard to believe it's been almost 20 years since we lost him!!

Oo oo now baby....tell me how have you been

We all have missed you....and the way you grin

The day is necessary....every now and then

For souls to move on....givin life back again, and again

Fly on fly on....fly on my friend

Go on....live again....love again

Day after day....night after night

Sittin here singin every minute....

as the years go passing by....by, by, by

Long look in the mirror....weve come face to face

Wishin all the love we took for granted....love we have today

Life without you....all the love you passed my way

The angels have waited for so long....now they have their way

Take your place....

happy birthday, robert plant!

THANK YOU for one of the most memorable (and surreal!) days of my life, and for being true rock royalty and treating us with kindness!!

My, my, my, an inspiration is what you are to me,

Inspiration, look see.

the times they are a'changin'.......

tattoo barbie is one of the hottest selling toys right now! who woulda thunk it??? ;)

you make my heart sing.....

i need to learn to make better notes! i'm always reading or hearing quotes or thoughts that i find moving or brilliant, and i try to jot them down for future reference. i'm pretty good about also making a note of where i heard or read it, or who said or wrote it. in the case of the following quote, tho, i didn't write down where it came from, so i apologize to the author for not giving credit where credit is due:

i want someone to make me feel like music!

how lovely is that?? and.........it explains exactly what i'm looking for, and better still......what i NEED. not sure i'll ever find it, but at least i know what i have to have, so if i ever DO meet that man....i'll know him without doubt or question! :)

peace, love and friends!

once again....my precious friends come thru with wonderful surprises on the days i seem to need them the most!! i got the pictured woodstock patch (ok...my cell camera sucks, but you get the idea) in the mail today from a dear pal with a sticky note attached that said "to my favorite hippie!" made my day!!! thanks R. loves ya!!!

and my horoscope for today:

you should take time to smell the roses. your tender heart my lean toward peace and quiet.

not much into astrology, but i liked that, and thought i'd add it in here for grins and giggles! it's a lovely message and fitting.

music......

..."We were transported by that music in an ethereal way that later we would try to explain and couldn't. But it was the first time I really felt what I had long understood: that something could be extremely beautiful and intensely painful at the same time."

from THE SWAN HOUSE by Elizabeth Musser

if that sentence doesn't explain the way i feel about music, then *nothing* does......

now that i think about it.....it explains the way i feel about a LOT of things.

thanks ms. musser, for your beautiful book.

and it begins.................again!

well, the reprieve from the evil-i-need-to-launder-my-karma-jerk was short lived and the yahoo group is no longer showing up in groups when one does a search for gerry. so.....the gloves are going back on, and i guess this time i need to channel my inner spartan and get ready to get medieval on somebody. sigh. it's too hot for this.............

Time is truly wastin'

There's no guarantee

Smile's in the makin'

You gotta fight the powers that be

I don't understand it

People wanna see, ya

Those that got the answers

Red tape in the way

I could take you in easy

That's just half the fun, oh boy

Seeking satisfaction

Keeps me on the run

I can't play my music

They say my music's too loud

I kept talkin about it

I got the big run around

When I rolled with the punches

I got knocked on the ground

With all this bullshit going down

Time is truly wastin'

There's no guarantee

Smile's in the makin'

You gotta fight the powers that be

If you & I can - we got the power

Fight it, got the power fight it........baby, baby

Fight it, fight the power

g'nite mrs slocum!

one of my favorite britcoms is "are you being served?" (thanks PBS for turning me on to this many, many moons ago!) mollie sugden, who plays the brilliantly cheeky mrs. slocum passed away today, and i'm just heartbroken. what a hilariously funny actress. not many have come close to lucille ball in my eyes, but dear mollie did. heaven will be a much better place today because mollie has arrived. rest in peace, dear lady, and thanks for all the laughs! and i am unanimous in that! :)

Ground floor perfumery,

stationery and leather goods,

wigs and haberdashery

kitchenware and food...going up!

First floor telephones,

gents ready-made suits,

shirts, socks, ties,

hats,underwear and shoes...going up!

Second floor carpets,

travel goods and bedding,

material, soft furnishings,

restaurant and teas.

Going down!

another little note: saturday night when we went to see my brother in "1776" we were on the elevator going up to the 3rd floor where the auditorium was, and a young man in the back of the elevator said : 2nd floor perfumery, stationary and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery. i turned around and commented on his "AYBS" reference and he was so pleased.........didn't think anyone would "get it!" he didn't know he was in a car full of fans of the show!!!! small world, i guess.......

doin' the happy dance!!!

after a fight for most of the month and 22 times of corresponding with the technicians at yahoo (yes, i have them all saved!), i think they have *finally* figured out a way to fix our little problem, and stop the nasty troll from trying to sabotage the group. we still have an "adult" catagory, BUT, we also show up when a search is done for a gerry group, which was what my concern was all along!!! after over 4 years of hard work, i just wanted new fans to be able to find us! so......thanks to the wonderful folks at yahoo for working so hard and letting me bug them multiple times a day....and for coming up with a solution!! let's hope this is the end of the evil.

for the record: at one point in church yesterday the whole "loving your enemies" and praying for them thing came up. that is HARD, HARD, HARD to do....to pray for the best for people that persecute you, but ya know what? that's exactly what i did last nite! i tried to empty my heart of the anger, and just ask GOD to take care of them. lo and behold...today......things seem to be fixed. coincidence? i think not.

it's too hot and humid to move here today, but i've been doing the happy dance anyway!! woot, woot!!!! :)

launder your karma........

it's been amazing to me since yesterday how many utterly tasteless and downright VILE jokes have been going around the net about michael jackson and the whole child molestation thing. personally, i don't think that he did it. i think he was a very troubled soul, who never grew up himself and related to children on their level with an innocence that most grown folk don't have. but....what i think doesn't matter. if he DID molest any young boys....he's paying for it now. GOD will take care of it. granted....child molestation and abuse is the lowest of lows, and there is NO excuse for it. however....it amazes me how quick others have been to judge without knowing the truth (were they there??), and the sheer venom that has been spewed, the hate, the holier than thou attitudes. and, as i mentioned earlier...some of the absolutely TASTELESS jokes have just appalled me. i've been ashamed to be associated with the human race many times today. some of the people who have "shared" these jokes with me are some of the same ones who spout the "karma" line all the time, too. well, darlings...remember karma goes two ways. it's not just others who have wronged YOU that will get their comeuppance. what YOU put out there comes back to you as well. seems we always seem to assume that we can do and say whatever we want, but if someone wrongs us then all of sudden 'karma is a bitch.' i've been personally offended so many times this week that it's starting to become a permanent part of my life. heartbreaking..........

dance as if no one were watching....

i watched one of the television specials on michael jackson last nite, and in one segment the interviewer was trying to get michael to dance and/or teach him to dance. at one point he asked him what went thru his mind whilst he was dancing. before michael could answer, *i* thought...."nothing...you just DANCE!" basically that was how michael answered the question. dancing is not thinking.....it's FEELING the music and becoming one with it. anyhow....my best girl emailed me this morning and told me that she saw the program, and when she saw that bit she thought of me. "sami would answer that question JUST like that!!" it made me feel good, not only to know that she knows how i feel about dance, but to know that she knows me.....PERIOD!

after all the hurt of the last couple of weeks........it was nice to know that someone out there *really* knows me and cares.

never can say goodbye......

such a shock to lose michael jackson to heart failure today. seems he and the J5 have been around most of my life. grew up listening to the brothers, and michael solo in later years. he was a sad, tortured soul, i think. maybe he's at peace now. thank you, michael, for sharing your gift with us. you'll be with us forever in our hearts and memories!!

everyone is beautiful at the ballet.....

watched "a chorus line" for the first time last nite. even tho it's a 'dancing' movie, i wasn't really impressed with it. funny that......i love dance, but don't like those famous "dance" movies! (a chorus line, saturday night fever, staying alive, dirty dancing, flashdance. wonder why that is???) anyhow....one of the songs really hit, me, tho, and might just explain why my heart has always been with the dance. (and music in general, i'd suppose)

check it:

"Diff'rent" is nice, but it sure isn't pretty

."Pretty" is what it's about.

I never met anyone who was "diff'rent"

Who couldn't figure that out.

So beautiful I'd never lived to see.

But it was clear,

If not to her,Well, then... to me...

That ...

Everyone is beautiful at the ballet.

Every prince has got to have his swan.

Yes, Everyone is beautiful at the ballet.

countin' blessings.....

had a woman that i have known most of my life tell me a few nights ago that i didn't look happy anymore. for someone like me for whom the glass is always half full, this was rather disheartening, but basically true. i couldn't explain to this dear lady all the reasons why i've lost my joy, but it WAS nice for her to notice.......to be noticed in general. thank you, ms mary! i love you!

the good news for today: it's been over 24 hours and the troll hasn't struck the "pride" group.....first time in 10 days! i don't presume to imagine that the attack is over, but at least we had a break today! counting the blessings..... :)

Pursue it further and another thing you'll find

Not only are they deaf and dumb they could be going blind

and no one notices

I think I'll dye my hair blue

Media overload bombarding you with action

It's getting near impossible to cause distraction

Someone answer me before I pull out the plug

What are words for when no one listens anymore

What are words for when no one listens

What are words for when no one listens

it's no use talkin at all

my hero!!

i loves, loves, loves me some victor hugo! in all of those "get to know your friends" things that people pass around here on the net where the question is "if you could have dinner with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" i *always* answer victor hugo! what an amazing, insightful, poetic and entertaining writer. "les miserables" is my favorite book..........EVER!

just came across this nugget of his. love it!!!

Change your opinions,

keep to your principles;

Change your leaves,

keep intact your roots.

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hopefully i'll get to have that long chat with mr hugo in heaven one day!! :)

friends in low places.....

(no reason for the garth brooks blog title.....it just popped in my head and i'm not feeling particularly creative tonite.........)

this has been a pretty emotionally trying week for me...hard to imagine that someone wishes you pain and trouble for a reason that you can't imagine.....but it seems that at the lowest times there always seems to be a shining light. got a surprise package today from a friend that i've known since 1st grade! she sent me the gift of music (does it get any better?) and this WONDERFUL quote:

Oh the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take them and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

-Dinah Croik, A LIFE FOR A LIFE 1859

beautiful, isn't it??? and it's such a rare and special thing to actually have a friend you can truly feel this way about, and i'm extraordinarily blessed to have a few of them.

thanks girl. puffin still loves her dewey!!!

mood: shattered, but getting better

listening to: porcupine tree

reading: tribute by nora roberts (which, oddly enough, is a story about someone being persecuted by an unknown person for an unknown reason. kismet! lol!)

love is the opening door....

can't seem to get elton john's "love song" out of my head today. i suppose that's a good thing, because these lyrics are quite uplifting for me, and these last few days, with my distrust of almost everyone around me bringing me to a new sami*-low (i said ALMOST everyone!) i need some uplifting thoughts, songs and moods. thanks again, sir elton. you've given me much joy over the years...........

The words I have to say

May well be simple but they're true

Until you give your love

There's nothing more that we can do

Love is the opening door

Love is what we came here for

No one could offer you more

Do you know what I mean

Have your eyes really seen

You say it's very hard

To leave behind the life we knew

But there's no other way

And now it's really up to you

Love is the key we must turn

Truth is the flame we must burn

Freedom the lesson we must learn

Do you know what I mean

Have your eyes really seen

Love is the opening door

Love is what we came here for

No one could offer you more

Do you know what I mean

Have your eyes really seen...

our lips are sealed......

Can you hear them

They talk about us

Telling lies

Well that's no surprise

Can you see them

See right through them

They have no shield

No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say

In the jealous games people play

Our lips are sealed

Careless talk

Through paper walls

We can't stop them

Only laugh at them

Spreading rumors

So far from true

Dragged up from the underworld

Just like some precious pearl

It doesn't matter what they say

In the jealous games people play

Our lips are sealed

Pay no mind to what they say

It doesn't matter anyway

Our lips are sealed

There's a weapon

We must use

In our defense

Silence

When you look at them

Look right through them

That's when they'll disappear

That's when you'll be feared

Hush, my darling

Don't you cry

Quiet, angel

Forget their lies

ah........this has been my theme song more than once in my life, hasn't it?

sometimes the loss of trust is heartbreaking, but possibly heart saving.

fans.....

evil people abound on this earth, but it seems that *i* always seem to encounter most of them when i become involved in a fan community.

many, many moons ago....before we were all hooked up via this internet thing, i was deeply involved in all of the fan clubs for a certain band. we'll call them "alpha." i was a supporter, contributor, distributor, etc for several snail mail clubs for "alpha." towards the end of that period of time, i was shocked and amazed at how many "fans" felt the need to be 'better' than everyone else, or 'bigger fans' than everyone else. the backbiting and lying that occured was mind boggling. i saw so many people get hurt because of the tall tales that some of these folks spread around, and i lost quite a few good friends because of the backlash. some people were so hurt by blatant falsehoods that they just retreated from the scene entirely....including from those of us who loved them. swore i would NEVER get involved in a fan community again.

i should have listened to myself. fast forward a few years later.

once again......i believed in the music of a certain artist (who we'll call 'beta') so much that i jumped back into 'the scene' again. started really trying to promote 'beta' and got heavily involved in the local fan community. once again....yep, you guessed it, jealousy reared it's ugly head and the lies began to flow like a river. this time, tho....the lies were told about ME to any and everyone. my genuine love for 'beta' was discredited not only to many, many fans but to 'beta' himself. the most hurtful part of the situation, i think, was that no one saw fit to tell me that all this was going on behind my back.....i found out the "hard" way. sadly, the pain of that situation is still alive and well, and even tho 'beta' is one of the most talented people i have ever know, i can hardly listen to the music anymore because it just slashes open those old wounds of hurt and betrayal. i not only lost friends this time, but the joy of some of the best music i ever heard. swore i would NEVER get involved in a fan community again. EVER.

i should have listened to myself....once again.

several years ago i joined a few yahoo groups for an actor that i am a big fan of. we'll call HIM 'gamma.' long story short...i had joined a group started by a young lady who lost interest in it in a couple of months, and, without asking me, made me the owner of the group. i really didn't want the responsibility, but decided to just invite a few friends of mine to join and to just see how things went. it's now 4 and one half years later, and we are at nearly 300 members and when you do a search in yahoo groups for 'gamma'...we are the first one that comes up because we are the oldest, active group on yahoo. for the past few days, someone has been reporting us to yahoo as a group that contains adult material. (we don't.) i know to most.....this wouldn't seem like a big deal, but it really is because now when you search for 'gamma' groups in yahoo.....we don't show up anymore because of our "adult" catagory. i can write to yahoo, and the techs review our group and change it back, but as soon we get the issue resolved, whoever is reporting us does it again. it seems that once again.....jealousy, hatred and black hearts are at work, and this time i have NO clue as to who is doing it or why. i might be over-reacting, but every time i have thought about the situation today i have cried. it's just very hurtful to think that someone is being so hateful and cruel.......and for what?? maybe this time i will REALLY learn my lesson and STAY AWAY from fan groups. i'm not strong enough to stand up to the nastiness.

all that being said however: i do run a myspace page and yahoo group for another musical artist who we will call 'omega.' 'omega' is WONDERFUL and most of his fans are too. i am blessed to be involved with him, and i sincerely hope that our relationship continues for years to come!!! and at least i know that 'omega' believes and trusts me, and i doubt that anyone could spread vicious lies about me that 'omega' would believe. (unlike the 'beta' situation)

to conclude (aren't you glad???)......

i want my yahoo saboteur to know that you have succeeded. i'm heartbroken. congratulations, and remember: instant karma's gonna get you. hopefully you don't have too many mirrors in your house, because i honestly don't know how you can look yourself in the face. sleep well.

it was 42 years ago today.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND!!!

thank you for entertaining us, challenging us, and changing us. oh....and thanks for the my blog moniker. ;-)

let your light shine!

was out on my porch this evening and saw a firefly. (or lightening bug, as we call them downsouth) i was struck by his beauty.....i haven't seen one in ages and ages. he took me back to my childhood: back to when we saw swarms of them each night, and all of the neighborhood kids would be running around in our bare feet on the soft summer grass, trying to see who could catch the most of those little bugs with their glowing tails. altho i'm not aging gracefully in my head, there are very few moments that *really* make me miss my childhood, but seeing that little fellow tonite certainly did!!


Firefly, Firefly
Shine your light tonight
Assist the Moon and Stars
In helping us
To ease our troubled minds

the grand delusion........

i'm not even going to comment on this and any of you who know how i feel about the subject are probably glad because you don't want to read a 20 page rant on the misconceptions that society has been heaping on us for years and years. oops! guess i did throw a teeny, tiny comment in there. but honestly? i'm so angered at this crap that i could spit botox needles!

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/05/26/mom-and-daughter-botox-addicts/?icid=mainhtmlws-maindl3link4http%3A%2F%2Fwww.parentdish.com%2F2009%2F05%2F26%2Fmom-and-daughter-botox-addicts%2F


Mom and Daughter Botox Addicts
by Sandy Maple May 26th 2009 5:00PM

We all know that as parents, we have a huge influence on how our children view themselves and the world in which they live. Mothers in particular play a large part in shaping the way their daughters feel about themselves and their appearance. If a mom frets over her looks and worries aloud about her weight, hair, skin, etc., there's a good chance her daughter will learn do the same.

While most of us try to set a healthy example of self-love and acceptance, there are those who seem incapable of that. If a daughter learns from her mother to accept and appreciate herself the way she's made, what happens to the child of a mother who is obsessed with her appearance and will do anything to achieve her idea of perfection? In the case of Margaret King, she raises a daughter who won't be happy until she herself is perfect.

King is a 49-year-old housewife who has spent about $90,000 upgrading her face and body. She's had two breast enlargements, a nose job, a mini-face lift and a tummy tuck. In addition, she's had regular Botox injections for past eleven years. Given all that, it is no surprise that her daughter, 18-year-old Jodie, has learned to be critical of her own appearance.

When Jodie began to complain that her forehead was too wrinkly, her friends assured her that it wasn't. But her mother didn't even try to convince her that she was beautiful the way she was -- she gifted her with Botox injections for her 18th birthday.

Since then, Botox injections have become a regular mother/daughter affair; the two of them regularly get shot up with ever-increasing amounts of the stuff. "So what if I'm a teenage Botox addict? I can't think of anything worse than looking old," says Jodie. "I'll always find a way to pay for Botox. Now I've started I can't stop."

Despite the fact that many experts don't recommend Botox for anyone under thirty, there is no law prohibiting it. But at least one cosmetic surgeon thinks King is leading her daughter down a perilous path. "It sounds like this young lady is on a dangerous spiral. She's obviously getting encouragement from her mother who sounds like she might be addicted to Botox as well," says Alex Karidis.

"It is very very unusual to have Botox at that age and 18-year-olds should only have it if there is a real facial deformity, not just normal lines when they frown. There is a real psychological danger. This is setting a precedent for using anti-aging procedures for many years to come. The mother needs to be taking responsibility if she is encouraging her daughter to have injections into her face.

"Unfortunately, Karidis' prediction is already playing out. King has moved beyond enabling her daughter to have Botox; she has taken her for a breast enlargement consult and promised her a nose job for her 21st birthday.

Women getting plastic surgery is nothing new and ultimately nobody's business but their own. But I can't help but feel sad that this lovely young woman has been raised to believe that she needs medical intervention in order to feel good about herself. And anyone who believes that there is nothing worse than looking old desperately needs a reality check.

fly to the angels.......

i miss you, little topie boy! thanks for 5 loving years................

this song is for you:

RADIO NOWHERE

I was trying to find my way home
But all I heard was a drone
Bouncing off a satellite
Crushing the last lone American night

(Chorus:)
This is Radio Nowhere
Is there anybody alive out there
This is Radio Nowhere
Is there anybody alive out there

I was sitting around a dead dial
Just another lost number in a file
Dancing down a dark hole (some say it’s “Been in some kind of dark cove”)
Just a-searching for a world with some soul

(Chorus)

I just wanna hear some rhythm
I just wanna hear some rhythm
I just wanna hear some rhythm
I just wanna hear some rhythm

I want a thousand guitars
I want pounding drums
I want a million different voices
Speaking in tongues

(Chorus)

I was driving through the misty rain
Just a-searching for a mystery train
Bopping through the wild blue
Trying to make a connection with you

(Chorus)

I just wanna hear some rhythm
I just wanna hear some rhythm
I just wanna hear your rhythm
I just wanna hear your rhythm
(repeat until end)

(i know it may seem a little odd to post these particular lyrics for my topaz, but it was his favorite song, after all. he sang like mad every time he heard it. big springsteen fan, my bird! i'll think about him every time i hear "the boss," the brian setzer orchestra or african drums!)

my own private idaho......

i'm not much of a tv watcher, and until last year i had mangaged not to watch the first minute of anything considered "reality tv" (unless you consider 'american idol' reality tv) and i haven't watched that in several years.

imagine my surprise to find myself a part of a reality tv show in my dreams last nite. it was entertaining, fun, enjoyable, and a dream i would certainly love to re-visit....in fact.....would like for it to continue to see if i win!!! heeeheeee.. i'll keep the details of "my" show to myself, but just had to "set it in stone" here for grins and giggles. my subconcious imagination takes me to some bizarre places sometimes.........and this had to be one of the "bizarrest!"

flexibility.......

i used to dance when i was younger....took lessons and the whole nine. in fact, my mom told me that i was dancing before i was talking. ;-) (watching 'american bandstand' and doing the twist at age 2!) in my teens....i decided that boys and bands were much more important than dance, so i stopped taking lessons. (my one regret in life!) i did keep dancing, tho, for a long, long time and was extremely flexible and limber. (used to win dance contests at clubs. i was GOOD!) well....as we all know life and age get in the way sometimes, and a couple of years ago i realized that while in years past i could bend from the waist and put my hands flat on the floor effortlessly...........i had gotten to the point that i could barely touch my toes!! i decided to make it a point to stretch more, and i did do that, but not as much as i should. then, last year when i started watching DANCING WITH THE STARS....i really got motivated. i *used* to be in that kind of shape.........dancing shape..........and i decided to start doing a mixture of yoga and dance exercises to get more limber and flexible. well.....i'm not exactly sure of the date that i started, but i know it was sometime in february or march of 2008. i have been doing my stretches/yoga every day but sunday (it's the day of rest, after all. haha!) for a little over a year! who would have ever thought i would have stuck with it this long??? and? i can put my hands flat on the floor, bending from the waist and NOT bending the knees.....and stand that way for an hour if i needed to!! so yeah.......i'm proud of myself. i think i deserve a party!!!!! ;-)

leftovers......

i don't like them, but that seems to be all i'm offered anymore. every once in awhile, it would be nice to be invited to the 'real' dinner.......even if i'm not hungry at the time. oh well....i suppose i should be thankful. maybe this is why i've lost weight.

(and yes.....i'm being metaphorical....or is it allegorical? i can never remember!! lol!)

wisdom from the queen..........

who would have ever thought that one would hear some sheer brilliance on "rupaul's drag race?" well, *i* never would have, but i was watching the obligatory reality show reunion episode, and was totally blown away by ru saying "what other people think of me is none of my business!" he was trying to convince the girls to believe in themselves and not let others get them down. that statement completely hit home with me. in the past few years i've had too many instances of petty, jealous people saying nasty things about me, and saying them to people that i *thought* mattered. (those people believed them) it's been painful, and at moments still is. the next time i start to drift, tho, and feel badly about OTHER people's lies and betrayal.....i hope i can remember ru's words of wisdom. what OTHER people say and what OTHER people believe is none of my business. i know the truth, and the truth, friends, will set you free!!!! and to those of you that i'm referring to in this bloglett (the liars and those who believed them): you might want to launder your karma.................

did hell freeze over?

it must have, because it snowed here in atlanta!!!!! we got 3-4 inches. i know that folks up north who suffer thru blizzards each winter can't understand our reactions to the white stuff, but it rarely snows here, and when it does we aren't equipped to deal with it. luckily, it's sunday, so we were able to just kick back and enjoy the day. i actually went out and *attempted* to make my very first snowman! of course....i have NO idea how to do it since snow is something i never see, and i found out that it's not a whole lot of fun to try to make one by yourself.....but i thought i should take advantage of this rare phenomenon and at least give it a shot! :) i had fun.....even tho he looks rather silly! anyhow....i'm off to drink a cup of tea, crank in some music and read!! how sublime.............

Listen to the briskly whistling winter evergreen

Whispering through the frozen morning light

And tell me what's to come

Saying my time is near

Never fear

How close each year

I'm winter

Reminding me to trade my t-shirts for my woven wools

Trade my sandals for my skis

Whispered warnings in the wind

Saying soon come the dancing snowflakes

They're kissing every tree

They're kissing you and me

Please hurry

Falling

Dazzling dancing diamonds from the sky

Prisms

Rainbow sparkled flurries in our eyes

Whipping across the frozen crystal metal pines of ice

Race the snow

We'll spend the mornings by our bed

They cuddle close and wine and dine

The setting sun

The morning light will blind those eyes

Shooting down the glistening

OutsideScreaming through the whispering pines

The freedom of each day

Will cleanse our minds

I can hardly wait for winter

I can hardly wait for the snow

I can hardly hardly wait for winter

I can hardly wait for the snoW

Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow

Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow

(thanks to CHICAGO for "song of the evergreens")

then peace will guide the planets.....

it appears that the time has arrived. let's pray so!!!

“When the Moon is in the seventh house”
“And Jupiter aligns with Mars.”
“Then peace will guide the planets”
“And love will steer the stars.”

http://www.intent.com/blog/2009/02/09/it-time-moon-seventh-house-jupiter-aligns-mars

time stand still.....

i've been on a rush kick for the past few days, so the few of you who read this can most likely expect to see alot of rush lyrics coming up! lol!! the thing is....not only are these guys stellar muscians, but lyric wise they have some of the most amazing songs ever written. this one really hits home........especially with all that's been going on with me lately!





I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
,Before I start off again
Driven on,
Without a moment to spend
To pass an evening
With a drink and a friend
I let my skin get too thin
Id like to pause,
No matter what I pretend
Like some pilgrim --
Who learns to transcend --
Learns to live
As if each step was the end

Time stand still --
Im not looking back
But I want to look around me now
See more of the people
And the places that surround me now

Freeze this moment
A little bit longer
Make each sensation
A little bit stronger
Experience slips away...

I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes,
Let my defences down --
All those wounds
That I cant get unwound
I let my past go too fast
No time to pause --
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain,
Whose ship runs aground --
I can wait until the tide
Comes around

Make each impression
A little bit stronger
Freeze this motion
A little bit longer
The innocence slips away...

Summers going fast --
Nights growing colder
Children growing up --
Old friends growing older
Experience slips away...

on grammy nite...........

Begin the day

With a friendly voice

A companion, unobtrusive

Plays that song thats so elusive

And the magic music makes your morning mood

Off on your way

Hit the open road

There is magic at your fingers

For the spirit ever lingers

Undemanding contact

In your happy solitude

Invisible airwaves

Crackle with life

Bright antennae bristle

With the energy

Emotional feedback

On a timeless wavelength

Bearing a gift beyond price ---Almost free...

All this machinery

Making modern music

Can still be open-hearted

Not so coldly charted

Its really just a question

Of your honesty

One likes to believe

In the freedom of music

But glittering prizes

And endless compromises

Shatter the illusion

Of integrity

For the words of the profits

Are written on the studio wall,

Concert hall ---

Echoes with the sounds...

Of salesmen.

the day the music died...........

hard to believe it's been 50 years since the first big rock and roll tragedy....

hard to believe i've been on this earth that long.....

Slit skirts,

Jeanie never wears those slit skirts

I don't ever wear no ripped shirts

Can't pretend that growing older never hurts.

you can't always get what you want part deux

yesterday was basically a rough one for me, and those of you who know me well know that i don't use those words lightly. i normally consider every day a *good* day. (ok....*most* days!) i really wanted to blog and rant and rave about the selfishness, pettiness, jealousy and self-serving attitude of someone. i never got around to it, tho, because, well, i was just emotionally drained last night and didn't feel like taking the time to write something that wasn't angry and venom filled!

then..this morning i wake up and get ready for church, and get a text message from a friend:

"god told me to tell you that i love you!"

wow. i needed to hear those words so badly.

and then in church i hear a beautiful solo, "his eye is on the sparrow."

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

and I know He watches me.

again. wow.

you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

thanks LORD! (and lisa and randy!)

and if you try sometimes, you just might find...you get what you need

sometimes the universe gives you just what you need when you need it. the last couple of days (weeks? years?) have been very hard for me personally, and on many levels. this morning i get the following message on one of the myspace pages that i maintain:

>>i've had a really rough week relationship wise plus a really heavy photo schedule that will only get busier as March approaches. usually that's good, but i'm finding it hard to concentrate on my work - which sucks.so i thought i would contact some people who are positive in hopes of absorbing some positive vibes. <<

thanks machelle. you made my day. i needed that. badly.

it ain't me........

(now i have CCR's 'fortunate son' stuck in my head....lol!!)

this blog "ain't" by me....it was written by musician travis howard (http://www.travishoward.com/) but it's so well said and thought provoking that i told him that i *had* to spread it around. thanks t! you inspire me!

My Country And The Art Of Losing.

Current mood: awake

Category: Blogging

Today we welcomed a new President of our United States after what about 76% of Americans are calling a long hard winter. It's the day some people have called a new beginning. Others kind of shrug their shoulders and kick the ground and mutter, "Well...I hope he does something good". I've moved in and out of various circles here in my new country digs and have heard enough opinions that I felt like it's maybe my duty to at least say what I think.

I love this country. I still tear up sometimes when I see hands over hearts during the National Anthem. I love the courage that we've always had in the face of such varied and inevitable threats as we've had to face down. I love that we win. We win most of the time. And I'm thinking that maybe that's also the problem.

Maybe what we've unwittingly become here lately - and by lately I mean in the last generation or two - is Billy Zabka. Billy Zabka was an impossibly handsome, incredibly charismatic actor in the 80's. He worked his ass off in all those 80's high school movies. You know, the ones that featured just enough shots of breasts to be rated R and make every hormonal young boy either sneak into the theaters or stay up til 1am to see the HBO reruns. Billy's big break was a karate movie. He played the same guy he always played. The impossibly handsome, incredibly charismatic bad guy -- who knows karate -- and gets shown up in the last ten slow motion minutes of the film. This time he was up against Ralph Macchio. The movie - The Karate Kid.

After 1985 Billy's career continued in the same general direction, albeit angled slightly downward instead of slightly upward. I met Billy at various parties in the late 90's when I first came to Hollywood. After knowing him a little, it wasn't hard to see why that trajectory changed. Like the antagonist in the teen movies, Billy didn't understand HOW to lose. He thought that if you lost, that was it. The credits roll and you're banished to some far away 99 cent rental bin. So Billy kept doing the same thing he always did. Called the shots in his career. Made the decisions. Only listened to people who agreed. And on and on. IMDB.com tells the rest of that story. He simply denied that he ever lost instead of admitting to and learning from another's victory.

Americans have watched so many war movies and football games that the only way us lay people know how to deal with loss is to grumble about the winner, make excuses about the circumstances, and generally ignore the fact that we have not done our best WHILE STILL CALLING IT OUR BEST. And all the while those all too familiar with losing have watched as our "best" gets worse and worse. And their best gets better and better. And we just feel like it's somehow our birthright to win.

Nope. Not so, America.

We've lost in the last few years. From relaxing banking regulations so it's easier to make real money from imaginary money - to not recognizing how the cultural and racial face of this country is changing and not making intelligent moves to deal with it - to leaving every child behind by teaching them basketball before we teach them art or music. It's not really as much an argument I'm making as it is hindsight. We've lost.

But the bright shining light of the great idea of America broke through in a black man's first act as our new president. An appeal to all of us to look around and see the rubble that we're standing in, call it what it is, and pick up something and get to work. The trick to losing is not being a loser. And the trick to winning is having lost enough that you know the stakes for winning the next time. It's the next time, everybody. The fence - the aisle- the great divide between two ideologies is a waste of all of our time. There's no more black or white or red or blue. There is truth in every faith. There is truth in no faith. No more white knight. No more lone cowboy shooting up the place in the name of justice. If you want to arm yourself against the enemies of your future, learn their language. Learn their culture. To educate yourself is to conquer all in your path. And to work through loss is to win.

do unto others......

i try awfully hard to live by the golden rule: do unto others......and all that goes along with it. i try very hard to be respectful of others and help them out when at all possible. in the past month i can think of a couple of occassions where i have tried to help someone out and it wasn't appreciated at all, and not only was it not appreciated, but i was made to feel as if i didn't know what i was talking about, or that i was wrong. i'm starting to understand why so many other people on this planet just mind thier own business and let others sink or swim. i might ought to try that tactic a bit more myself. it would relieve my frustration level, to be sure!!

i *really* should have stuck to the "rule" i made for myself after the jovi fan club days......when will i ever learn?????????

stickiness..........

my sister bought her first house this week and we've been doing the big move! yay for sis!!

i have to say this, however....whoever invented that sticky contact shelving paper needs to suffer eternal torment in dante's lowest pit of hell.

that's all.

the surreal life

was watching gerry on the golden globes last nite, and i had the wierdest sensation and train of thought. he's been a big A list star for awhile now, but i guess seeing him as a presenter on a major awards program just felt so, i dunno, surreal. i still feel like i'm back in the days....nearly 8 years ago when i first became a fan....and i had to hear the question "who???" when i told folks who my favorite actor was. it's also hard to believe that the yahoo group (gerard butler: pride of scotland) is 4 years old now. again....it "hit" me the one day last week that the group has been around longer than most of the katrillion gerry fansites out there with the exception of just a few. we even beat the GALS by a few short months! and, among the katrillion yahoo sites out there, we're among the oldest that is still active. (quite a few older, but most of them have died down to a trickle and are spam infested!) his rise to superstardom is well deserved, and probably long overdue, and yet most days i'm still surprised at how many millions of fans he has now. (and how nutty a good majority of them can be. lol!) i rather miss the old days, but i'm thrilled for gerry, wish him nothing but the best and continued success, and can't wait to see what the next 8 years bring!!!!

also, i just talked with edgar a few minutes ago. again...surreal. if you would have told me back in the day when i was a 14 year old rock loving glitter queen that one day i would actually know and talk to some of the members of my absolute favorite rock band at the time, well, i would have probably internally combusted!!! sometimes i *still* have to give myself a little pinch to make it sink in. i am certainly honored and blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with edgar and chuck, and i wouldn't trade the experience for *anything!* yep.......we all had a real good time indeed!!!

some things about life for me right now are as wrong as they've ever been, but some things? well....some things are just good!

what a long strange trip it's been...........

promises, promises.......

easier said than done, i know, but this poem pretty much expresses how i want to live my life. i *used* to be really good at having these attitudes, but in the last couple of years i have let circumstances and yes, a few people, steal my peace of mind, my love and my joy. i need to rectify that and QUICK! we are only here a short time, and there isn't time to waste being miserable. i have come to realize that this life isn't about what success and/or money we have, how much power we wield, how many places we travel, how much we own, or how many important people we know......it's about HOW we travel thru this journey of life and how we treat and care for others. one of these days we are all going to realize that it really wasn't 'about us' at all. the sooner we learn to not be so self absorbed and only concerned about our own feelings and start trying to love others while we're here....the smoother and happier our trip will be. and just imagine: if we all treated others like we wish to be treated...........what a wonderful world it would be!!! you may say that i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one.....

PROMISE YOURSELF
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel they are unique and special people.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
~Unknown

"miss precious"

...that's me! just another reminder that i have an awfully long way to go.

happy new year to me. let's hope today isn't an indication of the rest of the year.

love anyway.