Thursday, April 18, 2013


We all have our addictions.......ALL of us, but I hope and pray that I never, EVER again have to live with a food addict.  I've known many substance abusers before, and few try to force their addictions on others. Food addicts, however, are a different story. Thier obsession is YOUR least in thier eyes. As for me personally....I get no enjoyment from food and eat only to live, so living with constant talk about food.......not to mention eating too much too early is driving me crazy. Literally. I feel like I am losing my mind. I pray....a LOT, but my prayers don't seem to be going anywhere but into the wild blue yonder. Hanging on by a thread, folks.  Count your blessings........

Saturday, April 13, 2013


A study in living color entitled: ANGER. End of story. Or not.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Beautiful hell....

Pollen count in Atlanta today: 2095. I've had the worst sinus headache I've had in years for the past week or so. Of course, unlike most people, I'm not allowed to be under the weather. My slavedom must continue as always. My pain in non-existent. I really do feel like I live in hell sometimes. But, one thing I *can* say....Atlanta in the spring is a beautiful hell.

Friday, April 5, 2013


I am actually hoping that one day I can get to the point that I can truly accept the fact that I am who I am physically and will never be beautiful and probably never again be thin.  I *should* be happy with the person I  am on the inside and not care one whit about the outside. I hope I can learn to make peace with the fact that even a makeover wouldn't do any good. I'm not there yet.

Monday, April 1, 2013

and i said to myself...what a wonderful world!

2013 note: So.....for all the re-blogging I planned on doing tonight: I saved the BEST for last!  I love and miss you, my brother.

and i said to myself...what a wonderful world!

Current mood:ecstatic
i have a love/hate relationship with computers. i often think that we as a society are too attached to these machines, and on some levels this generation is losing the art of human interaction because we spend all our time looking at a little square screen.

having said that, tho....i gotta say: GOD BLESS THE INTERNET!! what a wonderful thing it invention that gives you the opportunity to not only MEET one of your life-long idols, but to actually get the opportunity to become friends with them as well!

chuck and moni!!! i love you guys more than you know. thanks for dinner, and well, for just being YOU!!!!!!!! smoochers!!

out of the mouths of babes

2013 note:  I need to re-read this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

out of the mouths of babes

Current mood:sleepy
today one of my girls at church said to me:

"you are the coolest person EVER!"

do you have *any* idea how badly i needed that???

a fine line...........

2013 note:  Again: my life. Daily.

a fine line......

Current mood:cranky
sometimes i wish things could be black and white and not anywhere near a shade of gray. there are times when there *is* a fine line between doing what seems to be the right thing to do for ME and what feels like the right thing to do as far as other people are concerned. i don't like feeling like i'm being a bitch, but at the same time, i always try to "do unto others." is it too much to ask that "others" do unto me as well?? apparently so. it makes me sad.

these days

2013 note:  I have to note that while Jackson Browne wrote this song, it's the Gregg Allman version that I am in love with!!

these days

Current mood:discontent
Well Ive been out walking
I dont do that much talking these days
These days--
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
For you
And all the times I had the chance to

And I had a lover
Its so hard to risk another these days
These days--
Now if I seem to be afraid
To live the life I have made in song
Well its just that Ive been losing so long

Ill keep on moving
Things are bound to be improving these days
These days--
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten, my friend
Dont confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them
this song suits me today. it's an amazing song and the only song by jackson browne that i actually like.


2013 note: Perfect truth!!


Current mood:excited
"time doesn't really heal, it just makes you not give a crap."
-from the novel "split second" by david baldacci

i'm looking forward to the "not giving a crap" part........


2013 note:  From the tone of the last few blogs I chose to repost, it's apparent that I am still and always was searching for some peace.


Current mood:cold
"There are potholes on the road less traveled. Some deep, some not so deep, some you dig yourself. Most are filled with mud. Many contain rocks. Once in awhile, however, you'll be walking along and step in one a bit more accomodating.....shabby, green, and pulsing with life.
It will tickle your feet, like clover."

-Ray Blackston "Flabbergasted"

speaking from the perspective of a pothole queen and funk sister.....i *really* needed this! thanks mr blackston.


2013  note:  Be thankful for what ya got!


Current mood:contemplative
I asked the Lord
for a bunch of fresh flowers
but instead he gave me an ugly cactus
with many thorns.
I asked the Lord
for some beautiful butterflies
but instead he gave me
many ugly and dreadful worms.
I was threatened.
I was disappointed.
I mourned.
But after many days,
I saw the cactus bloom
with many beautiful flowers
and those worms became
beautiful butterflies
flying in the wind.
God's way is the best way.
-Chung-Ming Kao

sometimes you find just what you need to hear in the most unexpected places.


2013 note:  I think I'm just gonna leave this one alone.....and let our thoughts be our thoughts.


Current mood:contemplative
"Remember now," the man told Levi, "different sorts of music touches different parts of a body's soul." ...... "Never limit yourself to just one sort of music, son. You might die without discovering important pieces of yourself."
"But sometimes wantin' is a lot easier than getting'. And it seems most folks always wantin' what they can't have. Easier to deal with the wantin' than the havin', I's guess. Longin' for is safer than dealin' with when it comes to matters of the heart."

wow. from the novel "the diamond doorknob" by marijo moore.

damn yankees.........

2013 note: Was just having a conversation about "looking at the other point of view" earlier today with someone who probably let it go in one ear and out the usual.

damn yankees

Current mood:okay
read this somewhere on the web recently:

But you know the real definition of a "Yankee":
- Foreigners think all Americans are Yankees
- Southerners insist only Northerners are Yankees
- Northerners think Yankees are from New England
- New Englanders think a Yankee is someone from Vermont
- and Vermonters think a Yankee is someone who eats apple pie for breakfast

see?? it's ALL in the eye of the beholder............

plucking blackberries.........

2013 note:  This is *still* profoundly brilliant to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

plucking blackberries..........

Current mood:contemplative
Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God; But only he who sees, takes off his shoes - The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
i think i need to start paying attention to the burning bushes.....


2013 note:  I wish I could stay outta my OWN head! 


Current mood:amused
"Ninety-eight percent of what goes on in people's heads is none of their smucking business." --Stephen King from "Lisey's Story" via his character Scott Landon.

i've always been a stephen king fan, but i never thought i would find hilarious brilliance hidden somewhere in one of his creepy stories!


2013 note:  I think at this point I need to mention that all the pictures that I've added to these re-blogs were not attached to the original posts, but googled for and added to the re-post.  The pic included with this particular entry just made me the mid-life crisis did not.


Current mood:thoughtful
i've decided that a midlife crisis hits when you realize that your life is no way, shape or form what you *thought* it would be when you 'grew up', and you realize that at this stage of the game that it never *will* be what you had hoped/dreamed/expected. a lot of resignation is required...and therein lies the problem.

now...back to your regularly scheduled program already in progress......

come to the edge

2013 note: See?  It's blogs and beautiful ideas like this that I need to reread, and reread, and REREAD!!!

come to the edge

Current mood:contemplative
i have a friend who buys used books from a library in her neighborhood and then passes them along to me. it's a cheap (meaning: FREE) way to read a lot of good books, and i also end up reading things that i normally wouldn't have bought or picked for myself such as hume cronyn's autobiography! i'm not really familiar with his work, but he included this poem by christopher logue twice in his book, and i fell in love with it.

Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
So they came
and he pushed

and they flew.

he also included this quote from the director of one of his plays, sir tyrone (tony) guthrie. it's about theatre:
It is to show mankind to himself, and thereby to show to man, GOD's image.

i'm glad she passed this book along to me....and that i actually READ it. these two things alone made it worth it. thanks hume. rest in peace.

wake up sunshine

2013 note: This blog could have been written 5 minutes ago as opposed to the 5 YEARS ago that I actually wrote it...........

wake up sunshine

Current mood:giggly
i am not a morning person. never have been. never will be. if i could change it...i would. i realized at thanksgiving this year that being a non-morning person is one thing that i just can NOT be thankful for. it causes so many problems. anyway....found this poem that someone sent me awhile back, it's called "the morning song for non-morning people." once again...don't know who wrote it, but it RULES! :)

i woke early one morning
the earth lay cool and still
when suddenly a tiny bird
perched on my window sill
he sang a song so lovely
so carefree and so gay
that slowly all my troubles
being to slip away
he sang of far off places
of laughter and of fun
it seemed his very trilling
brought up the morning sun
i stirred beneath the covers
crept slowly out of bed
and gently lowered the window
and crushed his f---ing head.

i don't want to work.....

2013 note: An old myspace friend shared this bit. Loved it then. Love it now.

i don't want to work.....

Current mood:amused
....i want to bang on the drum all day!!!!!

Maggie "Why do you wear the same clothes all the time? Why won't you give me your phone number? Are you married?"
Seth "No"
Maggie" Are you homeless?"
Seth "No"
Maggie" Are you a drummer?"

(Meg Ryan & Nicolas Cage in City of Angels)

thanx m!! you just made my day!!!!!!!

rebel, rebel

2013 note:  I still feel the same way............waiting for an angel of music!

rebel, rebel

Current mood:contemplative
so..somebody tell me....are there any REAL rock-n-roll rebels anymore? i'm not talking about someone being outrageous in looks or actions, but someone who is truly doing something new, different and refreshing? somebody that shakes things up, and causes the face of music to change? doesn't seem to me that we have that anymore like we did in the 60s and 70s. kurt cobain came close maybe. don't get me wrong...i'm not trying to say that there isn't an overwhelming amount of great music out there. needs a kick in the ass, and it just doesn't seem that we *get* that anymore. maybe it's all be done....been recycled as much as it can be. something to ponder. talk amongst yourselves.....


2013 note:  The story of my life............    Oh! And it should be noted that " LOLA" is one of my internet nom de plumes.

lola says...

Current mood:cranky
she gets mad
and she starts to cry
she takes a swing but
she can't hit!
she don't mean no harm
she just don't know... what else to do about it

coz i look different you think i'm subversive

2013 note: I also have to thank the musical HAIR for the blog title. I'm still subversive. Deal.

coz i look different you think i'm subversive

Current mood: hopeful

been in a mood to read 'subversive' literature this week....timothy leary, william s burroughs,kafka. maybe it has something to do with this midlife crisis/ennui (thx daryl and blue!) that i've been suffering with lately. don't know that it's really HELPED me in any way, but i sure have been enlightened. wait a minute! i guess it HAS helped me! :)

and from 'the naked lunch':
be just and if you can't be just be arbitrary.

let it bleed

2013 note:  I am noticing that I blogged about broken-heartedness a pretty good bit. That is mostly likely because I've been broken-hearted since 1979.

let it bleed

Current mood:melancholy
exerpt from "last goodbye," a novel by reed arvin

....i learned that all heartaches are one, and the style is just window dressing. rich and poor, white or black, none of it matters. whether it's sung in the celestial tones of an opera or ground out through the gravel voice of a bar singer, the heartache stays the same. it's the common human experience, and when we hear it coming back to us in music, it stops us dead.

the single-bullet theory

2013 note:   I have without a doubt already been shot with my single bullet.

the single-bullet theory

Current mood:contemplative
I am a believer in the single-bullet theory. You can fall in love and make love many times but there is only one bullet with your name etched on the side. And if you are lucky enough to be shot with that bullet then the wound never heals.

-excerpt, "Lost Light", written by Michael Connelly...the words of character Harry Bosch.


2013 note:   Yup.


Current mood:tired
my reading choices right now? alternating, in my free the bible (new testament) and hunter s thompson's 'fear and loathing in las vegas.' talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.....or.....maybe NOT so far off it you look at it in a certain way. the human condition is, well, the human condition! :)

starf***kers inc

2013 note: I don't listen to NIN nearly as much as I did back in the day, but my attitude hasn't changed. Not one iota.

starf***kers inc

Current mood:cranky
My God sits in the back of the limousine
My God comes in a wrapper of cellophane
My God pouts on the cover of the magazine
My gods a shallow little bitch trying to make the scene

I have arrived and this time you should believe the hype
I listened to everyone now I know that everyone was right
Ill be there for you as long as it works for me
I play a game
Its called insincerity

leave it to trent to just nail it right on the head!!!

ho ho ho

2013 note: This blog was from 2004. I must have been almost as stressed then as I am now. Sheesh!! Then again, this was the year before my family decided to stop "doing" Christmas.......

ho ho ho

Current mood:stressed
you know your stress level is out of control when you dream that santa claus has died. sigh.