doin' the happy dance!!!

after a fight for most of the month and 22 times of corresponding with the technicians at yahoo (yes, i have them all saved!), i think they have *finally* figured out a way to fix our little problem, and stop the nasty troll from trying to sabotage the group. we still have an "adult" catagory, BUT, we also show up when a search is done for a gerry group, which was what my concern was all along!!! after over 4 years of hard work, i just wanted new fans to be able to find us! so......thanks to the wonderful folks at yahoo for working so hard and letting me bug them multiple times a day....and for coming up with a solution!! let's hope this is the end of the evil.

for the record: at one point in church yesterday the whole "loving your enemies" and praying for them thing came up. that is HARD, HARD, HARD to do....to pray for the best for people that persecute you, but ya know what? that's exactly what i did last nite! i tried to empty my heart of the anger, and just ask GOD to take care of them. lo and behold...today......things seem to be fixed. coincidence? i think not.

it's too hot and humid to move here today, but i've been doing the happy dance anyway!! woot, woot!!!! :)

launder your karma........

it's been amazing to me since yesterday how many utterly tasteless and downright VILE jokes have been going around the net about michael jackson and the whole child molestation thing. personally, i don't think that he did it. i think he was a very troubled soul, who never grew up himself and related to children on their level with an innocence that most grown folk don't have. but....what i think doesn't matter. if he DID molest any young boys....he's paying for it now. GOD will take care of it. granted....child molestation and abuse is the lowest of lows, and there is NO excuse for it. however....it amazes me how quick others have been to judge without knowing the truth (were they there??), and the sheer venom that has been spewed, the hate, the holier than thou attitudes. and, as i mentioned earlier...some of the absolutely TASTELESS jokes have just appalled me. i've been ashamed to be associated with the human race many times today. some of the people who have "shared" these jokes with me are some of the same ones who spout the "karma" line all the time, too. well, darlings...remember karma goes two ways. it's not just others who have wronged YOU that will get their comeuppance. what YOU put out there comes back to you as well. seems we always seem to assume that we can do and say whatever we want, but if someone wrongs us then all of sudden 'karma is a bitch.' i've been personally offended so many times this week that it's starting to become a permanent part of my life. heartbreaking..........

dance as if no one were watching....

i watched one of the television specials on michael jackson last nite, and in one segment the interviewer was trying to get michael to dance and/or teach him to dance. at one point he asked him what went thru his mind whilst he was dancing. before michael could answer, *i* thought...."nothing...you just DANCE!" basically that was how michael answered the question. dancing is not thinking.....it's FEELING the music and becoming one with it. anyhow....my best girl emailed me this morning and told me that she saw the program, and when she saw that bit she thought of me. "sami would answer that question JUST like that!!" it made me feel good, not only to know that she knows how i feel about dance, but to know that she knows me.....PERIOD!

after all the hurt of the last couple of weeks........it was nice to know that someone out there *really* knows me and cares.

never can say goodbye......

such a shock to lose michael jackson to heart failure today. seems he and the J5 have been around most of my life. grew up listening to the brothers, and michael solo in later years. he was a sad, tortured soul, i think. maybe he's at peace now. thank you, michael, for sharing your gift with us. you'll be with us forever in our hearts and memories!!

everyone is beautiful at the ballet.....

watched "a chorus line" for the first time last nite. even tho it's a 'dancing' movie, i wasn't really impressed with it. funny that......i love dance, but don't like those famous "dance" movies! (a chorus line, saturday night fever, staying alive, dirty dancing, flashdance. wonder why that is???) anyhow....one of the songs really hit, me, tho, and might just explain why my heart has always been with the dance. (and music in general, i'd suppose)

check it:

"Diff'rent" is nice, but it sure isn't pretty

."Pretty" is what it's about.

I never met anyone who was "diff'rent"

Who couldn't figure that out.

So beautiful I'd never lived to see.

But it was clear,

If not to her,Well, then... to me...

That ...

Everyone is beautiful at the ballet.

Every prince has got to have his swan.

Yes, Everyone is beautiful at the ballet.

countin' blessings.....

had a woman that i have known most of my life tell me a few nights ago that i didn't look happy anymore. for someone like me for whom the glass is always half full, this was rather disheartening, but basically true. i couldn't explain to this dear lady all the reasons why i've lost my joy, but it WAS nice for her to notice.......to be noticed in general. thank you, ms mary! i love you!

the good news for today: it's been over 24 hours and the troll hasn't struck the "pride" group.....first time in 10 days! i don't presume to imagine that the attack is over, but at least we had a break today! counting the blessings..... :)

Pursue it further and another thing you'll find

Not only are they deaf and dumb they could be going blind

and no one notices

I think I'll dye my hair blue

Media overload bombarding you with action

It's getting near impossible to cause distraction

Someone answer me before I pull out the plug

What are words for when no one listens anymore

What are words for when no one listens

What are words for when no one listens

it's no use talkin at all

my hero!!

i loves, loves, loves me some victor hugo! in all of those "get to know your friends" things that people pass around here on the net where the question is "if you could have dinner with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" i *always* answer victor hugo! what an amazing, insightful, poetic and entertaining writer. "les miserables" is my favorite book..........EVER!

just came across this nugget of his. love it!!!

Change your opinions,

keep to your principles;

Change your leaves,

keep intact your roots.

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hopefully i'll get to have that long chat with mr hugo in heaven one day!! :)

friends in low places.....

(no reason for the garth brooks blog title.....it just popped in my head and i'm not feeling particularly creative tonite.........)

this has been a pretty emotionally trying week for me...hard to imagine that someone wishes you pain and trouble for a reason that you can't imagine.....but it seems that at the lowest times there always seems to be a shining light. got a surprise package today from a friend that i've known since 1st grade! she sent me the gift of music (does it get any better?) and this WONDERFUL quote:

Oh the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take them and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

-Dinah Croik, A LIFE FOR A LIFE 1859

beautiful, isn't it??? and it's such a rare and special thing to actually have a friend you can truly feel this way about, and i'm extraordinarily blessed to have a few of them.

thanks girl. puffin still loves her dewey!!!

mood: shattered, but getting better

listening to: porcupine tree

reading: tribute by nora roberts (which, oddly enough, is a story about someone being persecuted by an unknown person for an unknown reason. kismet! lol!)

love is the opening door....

can't seem to get elton john's "love song" out of my head today. i suppose that's a good thing, because these lyrics are quite uplifting for me, and these last few days, with my distrust of almost everyone around me bringing me to a new sami*-low (i said ALMOST everyone!) i need some uplifting thoughts, songs and moods. thanks again, sir elton. you've given me much joy over the years...........

The words I have to say

May well be simple but they're true

Until you give your love

There's nothing more that we can do

Love is the opening door

Love is what we came here for

No one could offer you more

Do you know what I mean

Have your eyes really seen

You say it's very hard

To leave behind the life we knew

But there's no other way

And now it's really up to you

Love is the key we must turn

Truth is the flame we must burn

Freedom the lesson we must learn

Do you know what I mean

Have your eyes really seen

Love is the opening door

Love is what we came here for

No one could offer you more

Do you know what I mean

Have your eyes really seen...

our lips are sealed......

Can you hear them

They talk about us

Telling lies

Well that's no surprise

Can you see them

See right through them

They have no shield

No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say

In the jealous games people play

Our lips are sealed

Careless talk

Through paper walls

We can't stop them

Only laugh at them

Spreading rumors

So far from true

Dragged up from the underworld

Just like some precious pearl

It doesn't matter what they say

In the jealous games people play

Our lips are sealed

Pay no mind to what they say

It doesn't matter anyway

Our lips are sealed

There's a weapon

We must use

In our defense

Silence

When you look at them

Look right through them

That's when they'll disappear

That's when you'll be feared

Hush, my darling

Don't you cry

Quiet, angel

Forget their lies

ah........this has been my theme song more than once in my life, hasn't it?

sometimes the loss of trust is heartbreaking, but possibly heart saving.

fans.....

evil people abound on this earth, but it seems that *i* always seem to encounter most of them when i become involved in a fan community.

many, many moons ago....before we were all hooked up via this internet thing, i was deeply involved in all of the fan clubs for a certain band. we'll call them "alpha." i was a supporter, contributor, distributor, etc for several snail mail clubs for "alpha." towards the end of that period of time, i was shocked and amazed at how many "fans" felt the need to be 'better' than everyone else, or 'bigger fans' than everyone else. the backbiting and lying that occured was mind boggling. i saw so many people get hurt because of the tall tales that some of these folks spread around, and i lost quite a few good friends because of the backlash. some people were so hurt by blatant falsehoods that they just retreated from the scene entirely....including from those of us who loved them. swore i would NEVER get involved in a fan community again.

i should have listened to myself. fast forward a few years later.

once again......i believed in the music of a certain artist (who we'll call 'beta') so much that i jumped back into 'the scene' again. started really trying to promote 'beta' and got heavily involved in the local fan community. once again....yep, you guessed it, jealousy reared it's ugly head and the lies began to flow like a river. this time, tho....the lies were told about ME to any and everyone. my genuine love for 'beta' was discredited not only to many, many fans but to 'beta' himself. the most hurtful part of the situation, i think, was that no one saw fit to tell me that all this was going on behind my back.....i found out the "hard" way. sadly, the pain of that situation is still alive and well, and even tho 'beta' is one of the most talented people i have ever know, i can hardly listen to the music anymore because it just slashes open those old wounds of hurt and betrayal. i not only lost friends this time, but the joy of some of the best music i ever heard. swore i would NEVER get involved in a fan community again. EVER.

i should have listened to myself....once again.

several years ago i joined a few yahoo groups for an actor that i am a big fan of. we'll call HIM 'gamma.' long story short...i had joined a group started by a young lady who lost interest in it in a couple of months, and, without asking me, made me the owner of the group. i really didn't want the responsibility, but decided to just invite a few friends of mine to join and to just see how things went. it's now 4 and one half years later, and we are at nearly 300 members and when you do a search in yahoo groups for 'gamma'...we are the first one that comes up because we are the oldest, active group on yahoo. for the past few days, someone has been reporting us to yahoo as a group that contains adult material. (we don't.) i know to most.....this wouldn't seem like a big deal, but it really is because now when you search for 'gamma' groups in yahoo.....we don't show up anymore because of our "adult" catagory. i can write to yahoo, and the techs review our group and change it back, but as soon we get the issue resolved, whoever is reporting us does it again. it seems that once again.....jealousy, hatred and black hearts are at work, and this time i have NO clue as to who is doing it or why. i might be over-reacting, but every time i have thought about the situation today i have cried. it's just very hurtful to think that someone is being so hateful and cruel.......and for what?? maybe this time i will REALLY learn my lesson and STAY AWAY from fan groups. i'm not strong enough to stand up to the nastiness.

all that being said however: i do run a myspace page and yahoo group for another musical artist who we will call 'omega.' 'omega' is WONDERFUL and most of his fans are too. i am blessed to be involved with him, and i sincerely hope that our relationship continues for years to come!!! and at least i know that 'omega' believes and trusts me, and i doubt that anyone could spread vicious lies about me that 'omega' would believe. (unlike the 'beta' situation)

to conclude (aren't you glad???)......

i want my yahoo saboteur to know that you have succeeded. i'm heartbroken. congratulations, and remember: instant karma's gonna get you. hopefully you don't have too many mirrors in your house, because i honestly don't know how you can look yourself in the face. sleep well.

it was 42 years ago today.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND!!!

thank you for entertaining us, challenging us, and changing us. oh....and thanks for the my blog moniker. ;-)