you can't always get what you want part deux

yesterday was basically a rough one for me, and those of you who know me well know that i don't use those words lightly. i normally consider every day a *good* day. (ok....*most* days!) i really wanted to blog and rant and rave about the selfishness, pettiness, jealousy and self-serving attitude of someone. i never got around to it, tho, because, well, i was just emotionally drained last night and didn't feel like taking the time to write something that wasn't angry and venom filled!

then..this morning i wake up and get ready for church, and get a text message from a friend:

"god told me to tell you that i love you!"

wow. i needed to hear those words so badly.

and then in church i hear a beautiful solo, "his eye is on the sparrow."

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

and I know He watches me.

again. wow.

you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

thanks LORD! (and lisa and randy!)

and if you try sometimes, you just might find...you get what you need

sometimes the universe gives you just what you need when you need it. the last couple of days (weeks? years?) have been very hard for me personally, and on many levels. this morning i get the following message on one of the myspace pages that i maintain:

>>i've had a really rough week relationship wise plus a really heavy photo schedule that will only get busier as March approaches. usually that's good, but i'm finding it hard to concentrate on my work - which sucks.so i thought i would contact some people who are positive in hopes of absorbing some positive vibes. <<

thanks machelle. you made my day. i needed that. badly.

it ain't me........

(now i have CCR's 'fortunate son' stuck in my head....lol!!)

this blog "ain't" by me....it was written by musician travis howard (http://www.travishoward.com/) but it's so well said and thought provoking that i told him that i *had* to spread it around. thanks t! you inspire me!

My Country And The Art Of Losing.

Current mood: awake

Category: Blogging

Today we welcomed a new President of our United States after what about 76% of Americans are calling a long hard winter. It's the day some people have called a new beginning. Others kind of shrug their shoulders and kick the ground and mutter, "Well...I hope he does something good". I've moved in and out of various circles here in my new country digs and have heard enough opinions that I felt like it's maybe my duty to at least say what I think.

I love this country. I still tear up sometimes when I see hands over hearts during the National Anthem. I love the courage that we've always had in the face of such varied and inevitable threats as we've had to face down. I love that we win. We win most of the time. And I'm thinking that maybe that's also the problem.

Maybe what we've unwittingly become here lately - and by lately I mean in the last generation or two - is Billy Zabka. Billy Zabka was an impossibly handsome, incredibly charismatic actor in the 80's. He worked his ass off in all those 80's high school movies. You know, the ones that featured just enough shots of breasts to be rated R and make every hormonal young boy either sneak into the theaters or stay up til 1am to see the HBO reruns. Billy's big break was a karate movie. He played the same guy he always played. The impossibly handsome, incredibly charismatic bad guy -- who knows karate -- and gets shown up in the last ten slow motion minutes of the film. This time he was up against Ralph Macchio. The movie - The Karate Kid.

After 1985 Billy's career continued in the same general direction, albeit angled slightly downward instead of slightly upward. I met Billy at various parties in the late 90's when I first came to Hollywood. After knowing him a little, it wasn't hard to see why that trajectory changed. Like the antagonist in the teen movies, Billy didn't understand HOW to lose. He thought that if you lost, that was it. The credits roll and you're banished to some far away 99 cent rental bin. So Billy kept doing the same thing he always did. Called the shots in his career. Made the decisions. Only listened to people who agreed. And on and on. IMDB.com tells the rest of that story. He simply denied that he ever lost instead of admitting to and learning from another's victory.

Americans have watched so many war movies and football games that the only way us lay people know how to deal with loss is to grumble about the winner, make excuses about the circumstances, and generally ignore the fact that we have not done our best WHILE STILL CALLING IT OUR BEST. And all the while those all too familiar with losing have watched as our "best" gets worse and worse. And their best gets better and better. And we just feel like it's somehow our birthright to win.

Nope. Not so, America.

We've lost in the last few years. From relaxing banking regulations so it's easier to make real money from imaginary money - to not recognizing how the cultural and racial face of this country is changing and not making intelligent moves to deal with it - to leaving every child behind by teaching them basketball before we teach them art or music. It's not really as much an argument I'm making as it is hindsight. We've lost.

But the bright shining light of the great idea of America broke through in a black man's first act as our new president. An appeal to all of us to look around and see the rubble that we're standing in, call it what it is, and pick up something and get to work. The trick to losing is not being a loser. And the trick to winning is having lost enough that you know the stakes for winning the next time. It's the next time, everybody. The fence - the aisle- the great divide between two ideologies is a waste of all of our time. There's no more black or white or red or blue. There is truth in every faith. There is truth in no faith. No more white knight. No more lone cowboy shooting up the place in the name of justice. If you want to arm yourself against the enemies of your future, learn their language. Learn their culture. To educate yourself is to conquer all in your path. And to work through loss is to win.

do unto others......

i try awfully hard to live by the golden rule: do unto others......and all that goes along with it. i try very hard to be respectful of others and help them out when at all possible. in the past month i can think of a couple of occassions where i have tried to help someone out and it wasn't appreciated at all, and not only was it not appreciated, but i was made to feel as if i didn't know what i was talking about, or that i was wrong. i'm starting to understand why so many other people on this planet just mind thier own business and let others sink or swim. i might ought to try that tactic a bit more myself. it would relieve my frustration level, to be sure!!

i *really* should have stuck to the "rule" i made for myself after the jovi fan club days......when will i ever learn?????????

stickiness..........

my sister bought her first house this week and we've been doing the big move! yay for sis!!

i have to say this, however....whoever invented that sticky contact shelving paper needs to suffer eternal torment in dante's lowest pit of hell.

that's all.

the surreal life

was watching gerry on the golden globes last nite, and i had the wierdest sensation and train of thought. he's been a big A list star for awhile now, but i guess seeing him as a presenter on a major awards program just felt so, i dunno, surreal. i still feel like i'm back in the days....nearly 8 years ago when i first became a fan....and i had to hear the question "who???" when i told folks who my favorite actor was. it's also hard to believe that the yahoo group (gerard butler: pride of scotland) is 4 years old now. again....it "hit" me the one day last week that the group has been around longer than most of the katrillion gerry fansites out there with the exception of just a few. we even beat the GALS by a few short months! and, among the katrillion yahoo sites out there, we're among the oldest that is still active. (quite a few older, but most of them have died down to a trickle and are spam infested!) his rise to superstardom is well deserved, and probably long overdue, and yet most days i'm still surprised at how many millions of fans he has now. (and how nutty a good majority of them can be. lol!) i rather miss the old days, but i'm thrilled for gerry, wish him nothing but the best and continued success, and can't wait to see what the next 8 years bring!!!!

also, i just talked with edgar a few minutes ago. again...surreal. if you would have told me back in the day when i was a 14 year old rock loving glitter queen that one day i would actually know and talk to some of the members of my absolute favorite rock band at the time, well, i would have probably internally combusted!!! sometimes i *still* have to give myself a little pinch to make it sink in. i am certainly honored and blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with edgar and chuck, and i wouldn't trade the experience for *anything!* yep.......we all had a real good time indeed!!!

some things about life for me right now are as wrong as they've ever been, but some things? well....some things are just good!

what a long strange trip it's been...........

promises, promises.......

easier said than done, i know, but this poem pretty much expresses how i want to live my life. i *used* to be really good at having these attitudes, but in the last couple of years i have let circumstances and yes, a few people, steal my peace of mind, my love and my joy. i need to rectify that and QUICK! we are only here a short time, and there isn't time to waste being miserable. i have come to realize that this life isn't about what success and/or money we have, how much power we wield, how many places we travel, how much we own, or how many important people we know......it's about HOW we travel thru this journey of life and how we treat and care for others. one of these days we are all going to realize that it really wasn't 'about us' at all. the sooner we learn to not be so self absorbed and only concerned about our own feelings and start trying to love others while we're here....the smoother and happier our trip will be. and just imagine: if we all treated others like we wish to be treated...........what a wonderful world it would be!!! you may say that i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one.....

PROMISE YOURSELF
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel they are unique and special people.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
~Unknown

"miss precious"

...that's me! just another reminder that i have an awfully long way to go.

happy new year to me. let's hope today isn't an indication of the rest of the year.

love anyway.