silver linings.......

ok....so i know that i wanted to lose some of this weight that i've gained since i gave up the smokes, but i didn't REALLY want to get a nasty case of the tummy flu to do it!! i mean, c'mon! was that really necessary??????

whilst we're on the subject of smokes, i gotta say that it's a good thing that i am broke and jobless right now. if i weren't....i'd be picking up the habit again in a heartbeat. i miss it, i've gained so much weight that i can't fit in most of my clothes (and i worked SOOOO hard to lose that weight the first time!), i don't feel better physically, and it hasn't helped with allergy season at all like i had hoped. oh...and did i mention that i MISS IT????????? so i guess it's a good thing that i a dead broke. sigh.

it's a fine line.....

"it's a fine line between love and hate." i never understood that comment in the past. to me....these two would/should be polar opposites........nothing in common but passion. these days i am not only in a position to understand the statement, but to relate so well as to have been able to come up with it on my own!!

love anyway.....................(repeat as mantra over and over and over and over.....)

me, myself and i????

i've been amazed in the last few years to realize just how narcissistic most of our society is. that might not come as a shock to many people, but i honestly thought that most of us cared more for others and thier feelings than we do. i really was shocked at the self absorption level of people in general....and at those in my own life that i have to deal with or have had to deal with. i mean.....think about the "status" thing on facebook and myspace and the general idea of twitter. why have we become so enamored of ourselves that we feel it necessary to let the world know from minute to minute what's on our minds, where we are and what we're doing? did it ever occur to ANY of us that in the general scheme of things....it ain't ABOUT us????? just boggles my mind, but maybe *i'm* the one who is misguided since i seem to be in the minority of folks who just doesn't "get" it........

and on a personal level......i get amazed at how easy it is for some people to "use" others. it's ok to ask me for a favor when you need one, but then i don't exist in the next moment when said favor is done. this used to make me angry, but no more. i just feel sad for people who are like this. how miserable you must be inside. i hope you can find your peace. and as for myself.........i've distanced myself from your crowd anyway. i don't need all the things that your kind bring into my life. i realized this so very long ago, and only recently worked up the courage to do something about it.

now....if i could find a way to change the MOST self absorbed person i know...maybe my life could get back on track. that will take lots of prayer, tho...and so far, HE isn't listening.......

. . . . . . . .

i miss me. i hope i come home soon.............